The Anonymous Us Project is a safety zone for real and honest insights regarding third party reproduction (sperm & egg donation, and surrogacy). We aim to share the experiences of voluntary and involuntary participants in these new reproductive technologies, while preserving the dignity and privacy for story-tellers and their loved ones. All stories are contributed anonymously because "anonymity in reproduction hides the truth, but anonymity in story-telling helps reveal the truth." Read More
I've quietly observed this website for the past few years, and have written one story. Somewhere in the beginning of 2014, I've notice an odd trend. Some of these stories are well written emotional, educational and authentic sounding even if they do not fully disagree with the infertility industry itself. At the same time, some of them sound entirely fabricated an overenthusiastic about the industry.
I found these stories hard to fathom for many reasons.
The first one being if these children were overjoyed about their conception, with no drive or intention to find their donors, why would they be searching the internet about anything to do with anonymous donor conception in the first place? The website is kept from the mainstream, and is not advertised on television like other popular sites like dating websites or social networks. Heck the author of this website didn't even get to talk about it on a television interview like some website-creators too. So most children stumble on this site by accident, after typing in 'anonymous sperm donor' into their computer a couple of times.
The second reason would have to be the audience. The main authors are children who are looking for their anonymous parents, which explains the reason why they admit to stumbling on this website by mistake. Some had even used the site to find their parents, like the story 'Still On The Search'. The audience is mainly social parents who had or are going to plan to conceive with a donor, or donors themselves. Both Donors and social parents have criticized donor-conceived children for how they feel, in a similar fashion that the overenthusiastic cryo-children have. The message is a mantra, "You are the most wanted kids in the world because your life was someone's paycheck, you should be ashamed of yourself of making your social parents feel bad because parenting is mostly about making them happy, you and your donor made your buyers (I mean parents) happy, so you should be happy too."
The third reason is convenience. Two happy supportive stories about same-sex commercial sperm donning, both with a youthful girly British writing style, appear in a row after a lesbian conveniently wrote asking if she should use a co-parent or a donor. From what I have read from some posts on this website promoting co-parenting, Co-parents do not make industries money, but donors do. From what I've also observed, stories from children from same-sex families are entirely rare. Before the lesbian's inquisitive post, there were only two stories about children from lesbian parents. Both were several months apart from one another! Other than that, there has been no other stories from kids of lesbian parents, who used commercial sperm donning, but, two *in a row* with girly British writing styles conveniently appear after the lesbian's question?
In addition to this second reason, right after the most professionally written and most horrific stories that criticized the industry outright were conveniently happy stories of overjoyed children with the best parents in the world. These supposed cryo children adored their parents' decisions. Such stories even criticized other cryo children and blamed them for their misery. Such stories had also encouraged social parents to support commercial sperm donning and lie to the children product. This can be seen in 'After reading some of the stories here, I completely understand why my parents did not tell me'.
Right after 'The Business of Humanity' directed at intended-parents and donors and said to them,
"To any potential donor my word would be, 'don't'. Please do not condone the practice of depriving children of their families. Because no matter how much anyone may want a baby, donor conception has been and will always be about the child. Because I am part of a generation of children that derive from billion dollar corporations commercializing life, corporations that sell human beings."
Was the story 'To: Parents of Donor Conceived or those thinking about it', which had encouraged parents to in essence to do whatever they please and however the child reacts is simply the child's responsibility. The message was that a parent should not live their lives considering their children because it's too stressful for the parents. This entry had also promoted the idea of donor conception to be surprising, fun and exciting. And promoted that donor children should be thankful that they made their parents happy, which is their life's worth, apparently.
After the two stories, 'Ambiguity of Identity' which wrote about the unfairness and emotional suffering about looking for a lost donor, and the story 'I Don't Want To Meet Him, Sorry' that spoke passionately about how the donning industry treats the donors like breeding studs, objectifies children, create public health problems, and is unregulated, was the story 'Identity'. Not only did the story match the previous story ['I Don't Want To Meet Him, Sorry'] in content (*both* these women conveniently did not want to meet their donors) both *ironically had polarized views of donor conception. In 'I Don't Want To Meet Him, Sorry' the cryo child did not want to meet her father because he objectified women in pornography, abandoned and disowned his children for money, and help to commodify her conception. In 'Identity', the cryo child did not want to meet her donor because she denies him being part of her heritage. She is completely supportive of her parents decisions, and as 'To: Parents of Donor Conceived or those thinking about it', is completely happy she could make her parents happy. Again I ask, if such a child is so happy about her circumstances and has no desire to meet her donor, and is perfect advertising success story that these fertility companies love to use for propaganda, why on earth is she online searching anything to do with anonymous donor conception in the first place?
There are plenty more coincidences, one of the most recent one was how 'I am a new breed of bastard' and 'All men are created equal endowed with rights by their creator' was followed by the story 'The Truth Revealed' that like 'Identity' and many other stories that are the infertility industry propaganda's tools, lectured and criticized other donor conceived children and cried the same mantra of "be happy because you made your parents happy". What I found most interesting about the latest questionable story 'The Truth Revealed' was when the author had wrote in quote,
"Before I wrote this post, I read the comments/stories above me"
I suppose the author had been here a couple of times, if she had read comments and stories above hers�
One must wonder, are these *the children who are truly overenthusiastic about an industry that commercialized their lives, that endorsed in their parents taking their biological parents away from them without their consent, and encouraged their parents to lie to them, or are these the social parents or even members of the industry itself forging these stories to give out a false message?
If the Infertility Industry wasn't a multi-billion dollar corporation, and if their clientele weren't extremely desperate (and sometimes, incredible selfish) people who have a tendency to attack the creator of this website on the frequent basis, I wouldn't be this highly skeptical. But since such circumstances exist, and this website is viewed by many of the industry's clientele (and perhaps the industry itself), I am very skeptical.
If you are potential author who is not donor conceived please do not impersonate a donor-conceived person to promote your personal stance on this extremely complicated issue. This website is supposed to be honest and sincere. It is supposed to get across the true feelings of those who are product of this industry, not those who profit from this industry, or who have personal gain from this industry.
I had a single mother by choice, she has been the only mom I know and the only person I will accept as my parent. she had no issues telling me that I was conceived by a donor and although it was 'normalized' for a moment, as I grew up with questions about my origins it wasn't as normal any more...
I look at history, and there are dads, I look at wildlife, there are dads, I look at society and there are dads. Dads are everywhere, maybe its media but I feel like I'm missing out. I feel like I will never know what it's like to be in the arms of a man who loves me unconditionally in a innocent non-sexual way, and who will be my other half. I will never know what it's like to bond with my other genetic parent, I will never know what it's like to look at the rest of nature and know I was conceived the way I was suppose to be...you know, outside a science lab....and not on a dish to be shoved into a refrigerator.
But these feelings make me feel like I'm a bad child; I betrayed my mother, and some of her feminist friends who praise her for being a single mom, and not taking help from a man . On TV the Cryo Generation seems just fine, and because they aren't screaming out "I want a dad!" I feel as though my feelings are invalid and selfish. But then I think "shouldn't kids' feelings come first?" But then I think "no because our parents made us, so we should always be grateful for whatever they do." But then I think "that's not fair, why bring a kid into the world just so you can be happy?". But then I think oh shit, I'm being selfish and betraying my mom again!
She's nice to me, yet she made my dad anonymous on purpose so I could never find him, even though she had both a dad and a mom, and she's even close to her dad. Do you know what it's like to hear her stories about the awesome dad she had, and all the great things she did with him, that I will never have? It burns. It burns so hard I can't talk because I choke.
I can't say I'm for or against sperm donning, because I guess some kids don't mind... but what people tend to forget is what about the kids who do mind? Do we matter? Why should our childhood and our feelings be sacrificed, so our folks can have the parenthood experience of their dreams? I thought parenting was about the cute babies, not the parents.. I just feel weird about it. I'm sure Im just some terrible daughter and I probably don't matter... I mean, if I did, my dad would probably want to see me, but whatever. My dad is a stranger, who jacked off to woman-trashing porn, and sold his sperm to a woman he doesn't know on the Internet, for sixty dollars. Thats the dignity of my conception, two strangers exchanging money for 'materials' over Craig's list, and that's all I will ever know about him.
FYI it burns like hell....