Mission Statement

The Anonymous Us Project is a safety zone for real and honest opinions about reproductive technologies and family fragmentation. We aim to share the experiences of voluntary and involuntary participants in these technologies, while preserving the dignity and privacy for story-tellers and their loved ones. Read More

My story for you...

I was born in 1968, and raised by my gay mother. My mother was 16 when she had me. My father was a foreign student, attending college on a student visa. My mother was just discovering homosexuality, so she did not tell my father she was pregnant. She moved away and never told him I had been born. My mother had looked in to an abortion. Thank God it was not legal in our State! She kept me and recieved welfare.
When I was 11, I asked who my father was. I yearned for my father. My gay mother told me "I did not have a father". I persisted, and insisted that she tell me the truth. She gave me the only photograph she had of him. She only remembered his first and last name. She said she did not kow if he was still in the U.S. or back in South America.
I grew up with an identity problem which affected my relationships and self esteem, not to mention the undescribable "longing" and constant ache to know the piece of me that was missing.
In my 20s, I searched for my father through private detective services, contacting the Universities he might have attended, writing to the embassy and student visa departments. I was not able to find him due to "privacy acts". I prayed to God that I would recieve an answered prayer. I never gave up hope to find the father who never even knew that I existed.
Fast forward to present:
I was married 3 years ago at age 40. I was unable to get pregnant, because my eggs were too old. We consulted with a fertility doctor who advised us to use an egg donor. We looked through the description of young girls who were selling their eggs. One donor-girl interested me...she had the same color hair and skin as I. I thought about this idea of using egg donation. My husband and I desired a baby so badly. We were about to do anything to get that little child in to our arms! We prayed to God for guidance. I suddenly thought about the fact that our child may never know his/her biological mother who donated her eggs. I realized I could not bear to allow another child to suffer the same curse of not knowing a biological parent. I knew first hand about this pain. I had an idea! I called the fertility nurse, and begged her to ask this donor-girl if she would be willing to give us her identity in case our child wanted to meet her one day. The anonymous donor-girl agreed to leave her info with the clinic. Next, the fertility doctor offered to do a split/cycle. This meant we could save thousands of dollars if we shared the donor-girl's eggs with another local infertile couple, like us. This same donor-girl actually had a record of previously donating successfully. I suddenly realized this meant our children could have many unkown brothers and sisters in the same city or school, the same age! There were also 2 other local fertility clinics where this same donor could have also anonymously sold more of her eggs. I worried that one day the descendants of our children may have to ask for a DNA test before dating or marrying. We decided against using egg donation.
My husband and I realized that no matter how badly we wanted a baby, that a baby was not a commodity. These babies will grow up to be real adults...real people. I hope that all of you children grow up and write to your Government officials to change the laws regarding anonymous egg/sperm donation in your State. You children do have the power to change the laws so that anonymous egg and sperm donors can no longer be anonymous. (FYI: Adopted children grew up and changed the laws so that adoption records must always remain open, in order for them to find their biological parents.) Our State senators and Congressmen are available to help! These anonymous donors selling their eggs/sperm, should be accountable to meet these children at age 18. No one knows the pain and deep longing a child has to know a biological parent. (only us, the children will know how this really feels). I am sure when enough of these children from anonymous donors, grow up.. these laws will change.
With God all things are possible. Nothing is too hard for God. God answered my lifetime prayer to find my biological father! When my husband and I decided to adopt an orphan baby from South America, we recieved help from a local Peruvian girl who found my father on a social website similiar to Facebook! This girl would never have helped me, if we had chosen the egg donation route! Thank God we chose adoption. My father remembered the relationship with my mother. He invited me to visit him. I met he and my brother and sister and large South American Family! I look so much like my father. I now look in the mirror and see my wrinkles, eyes, and hair. I look more like him, than his other two children. We also held very similiar morals and values. He died of a heridatary illness, four months after I found him. I can not tell you the closure and peace that came from just meeting him. I am a firm believer that with God, anything is possible! I give credit to my faith in God. I feel like a whole pie now. (Before it was like a piece of me was missing). I am complete.

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