The Anonymous Us Project is a safety zone for real and honest insights regarding third party reproduction (sperm & egg donation, and surrogacy). We aim to share the experiences of voluntary and involuntary participants in these new reproductive technologies, while preserving the dignity and privacy for story-tellers and their loved ones. All stories are contributed anonymously because "anonymity in reproduction hides the truth, but anonymity in story-telling helps reveal the truth." Read More
I know I could have had it worse. I was never lied to, and that's certainly something. But I feel like there are two extremes for donor kids and I don't know which side I should be on. On one side are the people who know their donors are a part of them and long to know the person they get half their DNA from. And I know that describes me sometimes. I have a tape of my donor's voice, answering questions. Some are deep queries about his personal beliefs, but others are trivial. Those are the ones that make me cry. Questions like 'what's your favorite movie?' He gave the same answer as me and it confused and delighted me. After hearing in him all the traits in me the rest of my family doesn't understand, I felt like i'd missed out on something spectacular, to be understood by the person partially responsible for my existence. But then another part of my knows that lots of people are partially responsible. I have, perhaps dozens of 'parents' who made my existence possible. Countless doctors and nurses, the receptionist at the sperm bank, even the guy who shot the porn films donors watch when the jerk off into cups. When I think about that I swing to the other extreme, feeling like some kind of freak of nature, alive because my mom was lonely, and felt like a failure for not getting married and having kids. It seems odd and horrorible at the same time that two people who have never even laid eyes on each other have a child. I hate that my dad got paid. I hate that he was probably just some guy who was broke and needed a little bit of pocket cash. No matter how great of a guy he was, he just wanted the money. And even though I think about him all the time, he has no idea I that exist. So, even if we do have all these things in common, any connection we have is just in my head. He probably has a family of his own, which I'd have no place in. In fact, for all I know, he could be dead. I thought meeting a few half siblings would help; I thought I might find somebody like me, who shared his traits with me. But all I found were three girls living on the other side of the country who neither look like me, act like me, or share any characteristics at all with me. Granted, I never expected them to be carbon copies of me, but what I found were people I couldn't stand to be around, self-centered, and at times, horribly racist. So I've given up on siblings, and I doubt I could stand the dissappointment of all the things that could go wrong with trying to meet my dad. So all I'm really left with is a vaguely empty feeling and anger toward my mother. I hear people remark that us donor kids should just be happy that we're here. It's not that I'm not grateful to be alive, but my life is hampered by this. I don't know who said it, but I always think of this quote for some reason, 'just because a child is born of rape, do not expect him to endorse rape.' That's not word for word and I am in no way comparing the situation of donor kids to that of children born of rape, but the principle applies. I want to be angry, I really do, but I also can't wish that my mom would take it back, because then I wouldn't even be here.Date submitted: March 02, 2014
For a while now i been thinking about donating my eggs to a family who cannot conceive a child. I am 21 years old and a mother of a beautiful 3 year old i love with all my heart. After becoming a mother i thought so much about the families that wish they could have this gift but sadly cant. I always wished i could help and now that i am at the age to help i really want to go through a egg donation and give a family the chance of possibly having a precious gift of there own as i do.
I received the papers from the egg donation clinic yesterday when i arrived home from work. After going through the 1000 page application i started to wonder more about the process. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it to i started researching a little more and came across this page.
Honestly now i am a bit scared. Not about the process but about what i have read here. I would love to have an open donation so that if the child wants to know who i am in the future they can, but i see in most cases parents don't want there children to know and i completely understand.What scared me is what if this mother starts feeling like the baby is not her child when and if she does conceive it. what if she starts feeling like shes holding a strangers eggs and then our baby is not treated as her own.
Or what if the baby is told in the future and is later mad at his/her mom and at me for doing this for them? what if the child grows up feeling like i didn't care for them or like they want to know who i am but cant or like a piece of there life is missing or if it doesn't look like the family but like me and feels betrayed.
I just want the family and there baby to love each other NO MATTER WHAT, i am afraid of the child being brought into a unhappy home and living unhappy because of this choice i want to make.
I guess now after reading these post i am really double thinking this. I look at my daughter every day and wonder how hard it would be on me and on her if she was not really mine and how she would react when i told her she didn't have my dna. Even though that is not the case with me i cant help but wonder because it will be the case of the parents i donate my eggs too. I would like to hear stories from every other point of view to make sure i make the right choice.
please reply with the same tittle as another post so i can read what you think
thank you all