The Anonymous Us Project is a safety zone for real and honest insights regarding third party reproduction (sperm & egg donation, and surrogacy). We aim to share the experiences of voluntary and involuntary participants in these new reproductive technologies, while preserving the dignity and privacy for story-tellers and their loved ones. All stories are contributed anonymously because "anonymity in reproduction hides the truth, but anonymity in story-telling helps reveal the truth." Read More
I'm a 22 year old girl, I've always known something was amiss with my fathers side of the family from a young age as my nana and aunties on that side doted upon my younger sister but left me and my older sister alone and never cared to involve us. It was like that for as long as I can remember.
I had to go hand in some ID at a job when I was 19 and they wouldn't accept the form of UK birth certificate I have, because it wasn't the full one but it was all I had. So I contacted my mother and asked if she had some form of proper birth certificate I could borrow. She did, an adoption certificate which has confused me constantly for the past 3 years but I didn't dare ask as I knew my mother had been married before and at some point in her past she had been attacked by her ex and I didn't know if it would be upsetting for her, so I said nothing. Just assumed that me and my older sister, who also had an adoption certificate were adopted on my dads side.
This evening I was on the phone to my younger sister and she asked me how easy it was to get hold of ID so I just mentioned that I used my adoption certificate and she made me repeat it and I clicked in then that she must not know and I felt like so angry at myself. But of course I had to explain what I knew to be the truth, she got upset, phoned my mum who turned up at my house to explain the truth.
Her previous husband was infertile and she desperately wanted kids so she used sperm donors to conceive twice. My older sister and me. Then her marriage broke down and she met my father and they got married, to change our surnames to her new married name she had to put us both up for adoption and then adopt us. So that explains the certificates.
I'm just shellshocked still. I don't understand why they never told us, they must have known that we must suspect something because of this adoption business but just never told us. Sure, I feel so loved, I was such a wanted baby and that's a great feeling but I feel like they've spent the whole of my life avoiding letting me know where I sort of come from.
I feel like I'm being selfish feeling this way but I can't help it I suppose. I love both my parents, to the ends of the earth and back but this has really knocked me and I feel as if they must have more to hide
I have a donor for a dad, and I've never talked to my parents about it because I'm afraid of their responses. They told me very young, so I always sorta knew, but I never wanted to bring it up at dinner, or at family heritage reports in High School, or anywhere really. My parents didn't bat an eye when I incorrectly wrote about my family Pedigree (a AP Biology assignment that was suppose to teach us about heredity) and listed my adopted father's family, as my biological family. They didn't bat an eye again when people go up to me and tell me I look like my dad, even though I don't look like him, I look like a stranger that I'll probably never know.
When I read the story about the grandparents and their lesbian daughter or the story about the lady who said 'deep thoughts about for the donor conceived' it twists knots in my stomach. I really get afraid of how my mom and dad will think of me. They don't really understand... They ask me about feeling 'different', and I tell them everything fine. I lie because I'm afraid sometimes if they'd get angry at me because I'm bothered that I'll never learn about my birth-dad.
I wondered if other parents will be more understanding, so I've googled stories about donor-conceived people, and looked at the comments. Now I know for certain my parents will be mad at me. I've seen so much hate... like people calling donor-people 'spoiled brat' or a 'ungrateful child' or saying 'the donor-people's parents have a right to a child that they want'.
All I want is to know my dad. I don't hate my mom, and I don't hate my dad. I just wish I knew my siblings and my bio-dad...
Yeah, it bugs that I was conceived out of money, and I was some lab-science freak, but it hurts more knowing my parents will probably curse at me for wanting to know my birth-dad. Why is it fair for adopted people to want to know their dad, but it's bad if I want to? I don't get it... Why does it seem like everything is revolved around the parents and what they want?
If I had a kid, I would just want them to be happy. I wouldn't want them to do what I want. I want them to have everything they need to feel like they need to fill whole.
I don't get this hypocrisy, the people who are saying that not knowing my dad is no big deal are people who are not donor-conceived, they KNOW both their parents, even if their dad was not the best dad in the world. They still KNEW their dad, and he didn't trade them in for money. The people who do donor-conception usually ALSO know both their bio-parents. Also, the reason why they want to do donor-conception is the first place, is because one of the parents wants to be a biological parent. Otherwise, why wouldn't they adopt a baby?
Its like everyone else wants to feel bad for my dad and mom, but I have to suck it up and get over the fact that my dad abandoned me for money, and my parents made him anonymous so I can never meet him....