The Anonymous Us Project is a safety zone for real and honest insights regarding third party reproduction (sperm & egg donation, and surrogacy). We aim to share the experiences of voluntary and involuntary participants in these new reproductive technologies, while preserving the dignity and privacy for story-tellers and their loved ones. All stories are contributed anonymously because "anonymity in reproduction hides the truth, but anonymity in story-telling helps reveal the truth." Read More
I have a donor for a dad, and I've never talked to my parents about it because I'm afraid of their responses. They told me very young, so I always sorta knew, but I never wanted to bring it up at dinner, or at family heritage reports in High School, or anywhere really. My parents didn't bat an eye when I incorrectly wrote about my family Pedigree (a AP Biology assignment that was suppose to teach us about heredity) and listed my adopted father's family, as my biological family. They didn't bat an eye again when people go up to me and tell me I look like my dad, even though I don't look like him, I look like a stranger that I'll probably never know.
When I read the story about the grandparents and their lesbian daughter or the story about the lady who said 'deep thoughts about for the donor conceived' it twists knots in my stomach. I really get afraid of how my mom and dad will think of me. They don't really understand... They ask me about feeling 'different', and I tell them everything fine. I lie because I'm afraid sometimes if they'd get angry at me because I'm bothered that I'll never learn about my birth-dad.
I wondered if other parents will be more understanding, so I've googled stories about donor-conceived people, and looked at the comments. Now I know for certain my parents will be mad at me. I've seen so much hate... like people calling donor-people 'spoiled brat' or a 'ungrateful child' or saying 'the donor-people's parents have a right to a child that they want'.
All I want is to know my dad. I don't hate my mom, and I don't hate my dad. I just wish I knew my siblings and my bio-dad...
Yeah, it bugs that I was conceived out of money, and I was some lab-science freak, but it hurts more knowing my parents will probably curse at me for wanting to know my birth-dad. Why is it fair for adopted people to want to know their dad, but it's bad if I want to? I don't get it... Why does it seem like everything is revolved around the parents and what they want?
If I had a kid, I would just want them to be happy. I wouldn't want them to do what I want. I want them to have everything they need to feel like they need to fill whole.
I don't get this hypocrisy, the people who are saying that not knowing my dad is no big deal are people who are not donor-conceived, they KNOW both their parents, even if their dad was not the best dad in the world. They still KNEW their dad, and he didn't trade them in for money. The people who do donor-conception usually ALSO know both their bio-parents. Also, the reason why they want to do donor-conception is the first place, is because one of the parents wants to be a biological parent. Otherwise, why wouldn't they adopt a baby?
Its like everyone else wants to feel bad for my dad and mom, but I have to suck it up and get over the fact that my dad abandoned me for money, and my parents made him anonymous so I can never meet him....
I am a Donor Egg Recipient. I think there is a longing for something you are missing in your life. Frankly, it is not wanting to know the person who donated a single cell (sperm or oocyte). Honestly, you are putting off your happiness and who you have become to want to know someone who sold a cell of their body. The human race donates human tissue all the time (heart, liver, corneas, kidney, etc). What if someone donated a portion of their liver to save your child's life and now they want visitation rights to your child because part of them is now living in that child. I know you are hating this right now, but I am really trying to get you to look at YOU and realize you don't have to worry about where one of your cells came from. Be you, make who you are!! That is done through experiences not a cell. Who changed your diapers, who was up with you all night when you were sick, who made sure you had food and shelter and who are you hurting now because you are insisting you don't belong to them.
Our human nature is natural curiosity but we have to know when to leave some things alone and walk away because sometimes the relentless pursuit of something consumes us to the breaking point and destroys the happiness we could have had. Some of you are reading this and are thinking that you don't like your parents and you want to know your "real ones", well, you do and have since you were born. If you have such a desire for the donors then you are most likely the one putting the strain on the relationship with your parents. The donors receive money for cell donations and you were not you when they did, nor would you have ever been you with that person. Notice I said that person and not father or mother here.
Take joy in knowing that you are in existence and make your own way. Remember oocytes or sperm are not children, just cells. It took a loving relationship of the recipient to make the child.
Stop resenting and start living your life!!!