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What have I done??

I’m the mother of 2 donor conceived little Boys. I’m most likely the enemy image of many of you. After many years of trying, we were told that only donated eggs can help us. And we went on; we were so naive, we thought that everything will be all right as long as we love the child. And we did and still do; more than words can tell….and we even went on and had another “donated child”. And now I’m sitting here in tears. What have I done… How could I be so naive and selfish. When I read through…

Curiosity

I was always somewhat curious about the other half of my DNA. But I was never curious enough, or I guess you could say brave enough, to pursue a search of any kind. I was informed by my mother that I was a donor conceived child when I was still in elementary school. I took the news pretty well and didn’t think of my adopted father any differently. He was my dad ever since I could really remember, so being donor conceived didn’t change any of that. My mother had chosen to purchase sperm from California Cryobank 28 years ago….

IVF mistake

Long story short, I was accidentally conceived with donor sperm. There was a mistake in the lab during the in vitro process. My parents never knew, but they always suspected something was wrong because of how different I looked from my dad. I took a DNA test when I was 16 and we found out that we were not related. The doctors had confused a vial of donor sperm with my dad’s sperm, and after connecting with my donor father through the DSR I have a great relationship with both. I know my situation is very rare but if anyone…

Response to “Do I wait or do I tell?”

I am a PhD Candidate in Clinical Psychology. I am also the mother of a daughter whose father was absent for most of her life. Understanding how she felt at his absence, I personally sought to find him for her, and to her delight, found she had 2 other sisters in addition to the seven siblings I gave her. I can tell you one thing: As a mother, I felt threatened but also knew her hurt. I never wanted her to hurt. That motivated me to help her find the man. Now, I hear your feelings as being that of…

Responding to “Hard Decision from an Infertile Couple”

Similarly, my husband and I have had trouble conceiving. Our RE sold this idea to us as the “cure” to our problems. Then, we read this website along many others as well as data published by well respected journals (and painful videos on Youtube from donor kids and from psychologists) and basically found that the path of third party conception was too complicated for us. The data supporting emotional and psychological issues plus the painful stories of these kids was too much for us and we didn’t want the guilt associated with making a child have identity issues. Apparently these…

Children’s Rights? Anyone? :o(

Ok. Now since gay people got their rights and can marry in the United States can we please start talking about children’s rights? Where are they? My mom is taking me to downtown NY for pride fest on Sunday. I’m going to be supportive that she can marry a woman if she wants. There’s going to be lots of gay dads and gay moms celebrating that they get the same rights as straight people but is anyone going to be talking about MY rights too? I don’t want to sound like a buzzkill but I don’t like it that my…

Brown.

The papers said your favorite color was brown. It’s funny because that all on its own says so much about you. You think outside of the box. You don’t like the bright, happy colors because those illustrate more of an illusion, a sort of false hope. It makes me feel closer to you, considering the fact that false hope is all I have ever gotten to know. False hope is the closest thing I have to my biological father. False hope is the closest thing I have to you. It’s ironic really, the fact that your favorite color in this…

Happy Father’s Day!

Yesterday was a major day for me but only internally. This past year I discovered and met my half sibs for the first time, so I feel like this past year has been sperm donor themed as it has affected my life most this year. Anyway, I am not sure if I consider Father’s Day a bad day or a good day of the year. It was a bad day in a sense of frustration. I spent the day searching the internet as I often do, with my small amount of non-identifying information that only leads to dead ends. I…

RESPONDING TO “Hard decision from an infertile couple”

Consider use of an open donor and be sure to tell your potential child from the start where they come from, and how they have every right to know who the donor is once they reach 18. I know this is not your ideal situation, but being a donor conceived offspring myself, I know how much pain just knowing who my donor is would take away. It stings sometimes no matter what to feel out of place, but you are loving this child no matter whose genetic material they obtain. I think that you should go through with an open…

Hard decision from an infertile couple

I wish we could conceive naturally. My husband and I cannot. We have tried everything including failed ivf with my own eggs. We are a loving family, financially stable, supportive, nature-loving, adventurous, happy. I’ve always dreamed of raising a child the way I was raised- best childhood ever. We’ve been told by several doctors our only hope of having a child is through egg donation or adoption. And adoption is not an option for us. But reading these posts, I’m now hesitating. I would never want to cause my child pain by using egg donation. I feel hopeless.

June 21st is for us

June 21st is for us. This day is for the children who are told by society: “NO you do not get the right to know who your other biological parent is.” The parents are told: “YES you can look through this catalogue and find the perfect candidate to make your perfect child. For your convenience, we have excluded any identifying information on the donor; he has no right to your child. This ensures that you have full custody of the child; you could never tell your child of the nature of her conception for all we care.” The donor is…

Responding to “Please stop saying Mother/Father”

A lot of the time, whenever someone publishes a story on this site who isn’t donor conceived, they still manage to understand or grasp the feeling that offspring like myself have, but reading the “Please stop saying Mother/Father,” post among many others I decided I NEED to speak up. Feeling like you don’t belong is something that you yourself said you went through in your teenage years, you also said that knowing your biological parents did not help with that. Did it ever occur to you that we don’t just FEEL like we don’t belong, we LITERALLY don’t belong. I…