Alone

Submitted on: September 25, 2018

I was conceived using both donor egg and donor sperm. I was raised be a single mother desperate for children. Honestly I can’t understand her choice. She decided to “make” kids that were not her own just so she could have the experience of pregnancy instead of adopting a child that desperately needed a home and would have the same genetic connections to her – none. I feel so alone, the only person I know I am related to is my twin sister, and even we look nothing alike. People don’t even believe we’re twins, they just think that we are best friends and that we’re joking. I have always known I was donor conceived, and while better than the alternative, it was incredibly confusing growing up. As a kid in elementary school I would somehow have to explain to my other friends why I didn’t have a dad. In middle school I was assigned a genealogy project and felt completely lost. I had no idea where I came from. I could trace my mom’s family, but they’re not genetically related to me. I didn’t have a social dad’s family to trace. I knew that strangers existed that were my family but I have no way to know them. As I grew older, my mom stopped talking about it, after all I knew the facts. I have never been asked about the emotional turmoil caused by not knowing where I come from and I am too scared to begin that conversation with my mother. I am grateful to exist but I am ethically against my very existence. If you’re at the point where you are considering both donor egg and sperm donation or donor embryo donation please do not do it. Please just adopt. If you are considering donation of just an egg or a sperm, please make sure it is not anonymous. Make sure that your child will have a way to answer questions about their genetic history. Nevertheless, I still believe you should adopt. Donor offspring have higher rates of depression and more confusion about family than adopted or naturally conceived children. Are you really so desperate for a child that you’re willing to forgo the pain they will experience so you can be happy? Please at least read the study “ My Daddy’s Name is Donor” and consider what you learn when making your decision.