Dear Anonymous, Third Party Reproduction
I read your story and thoughts about some of the similarities between adoption and DI.
They both have some things in common, but there are also some significant differences. The intentions of the parents who make these choices is the big difference. Also, the reasons why people make these choices is significant.
Why do parents chose DI? The parents raising the child chose DI because they want to be parents. The man donating sperm may have chosen it for the money, spreading his seed without the responsibility of raising a child, and the false idea that he was “helping” the parents. DI is a deliberate conscious choice to create a difficult situation for the child.
Adoption is much more complicated. Don’t assume it is only about letting infertile people be parents because lots of people adopt who do not have infertility. It occurs for cultural reasons, lack of access to birth control, male dominance and pressuring a woman for sex, biological parent’s unwillingness or inability to raise a child, mental illness and substance abuse, death or illness of a parent, biological parent’s inability/unwillingness to marry or make a long-term commitment to the other parent, domestic violence (mom may have an abusive partner and she is afraid he will hurt her and the baby). Adoption is about making the best of a difficult situation, unlike DI which is about DELIBERATELY creating a difficult situation for the child.
What would happen to the children of the world if DI did not exist? It would be 100% positive. On the other hand, what would happen to the children of the world if adoption did not exist? For some it would be a good thing because they would not have to deal with the emotional issues of adoption. For others, it could be a death sentence or mean a lifetime of living in institutions or living with abusive and neglectful bio family.