It Takes a Village- thank you Mom
I found this website because I recently told a friend the specifics of how I was conceived and his questions intrigued me. I had no plans of ever making a post of my own until I read a few and felt obligated to share; I feel that there is a point of view not fully expressed on this site.
I am a 21 year old DC college student with a twin sister and a single mother, whom I absolutely adore. My experience growing up was never something that bothered me. I consider my Mom to be the strongest and most selfless person I will ever know. She raised two girls completely on her own and did a better job than some co-parenting individuals I have known. I congratulate and celebrate her courage to take on such a daunting task with nothing but love and guidance to offer. My Mom informed my sister and I that we were DC when we were very young. I can remember her sitting us down and telling us the story of “how [she] became the luckiest woman in the world”. She was very transparent from the beginning, showing us the donor application when we were very young and keeping in it a place at home where we could look at it whenever we felt like it. Of course we had questions, and some of them she couldn’t answer but I never once felt guilty for asking as she made it very clear that she would help us find out as little or as much as we desired.
To be honest when people ask me what it’s like to not have a “father” I respond by saying “you cant miss something you’ve never had”. Deep down I understand that my response is not quite true but it always worked when responding to others. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t interested in what my donor looks like, what his hobbies are, or how his life turned out. But those questions are overwhelmingly masked by the unconditional love and support I have from my family. I have a mother who loves my sister and I more than I could ever attempt to express; I have an aunt who treats my sister and I like her own; I had a grandmother who gave me more love, support, and wisdom than I could ever as for; I have an uncle who helps me fix my car, coached me in sports, and acts as my father figure. With all of this being said I still have questions and uncertainties. Will my future husband be understanding of my upbringing? Will my children resent not having a maternal grandfather? But these questions are something that I’m okay with dealing with in time, knowing that I have the love and support of my family.
My main reason for writing this post was to be informative to individuals considering having children via sperm donation. Your child will not automatically resent you for the way you brought them into this world. As a DC child I would offer up some advice: show your child(ren) all the love and support that you have to offer. Be transparent with them regarding their conception as early as possible. And make this an open conversation, ask them how they feel. While not having a “father” can cause a void, there are ways to show and allow a child to understand that they are loved enough to fill that void. I am a strong, confident, independent, DC women and most improtnantly I am loved.
***They say it takes a village, and that couldn’t be more correct. But the genetic relationship of that village is the least important thing about it.***
(I would like to make it very clear that I am in no way saying there is a right or wrong perspective because it is just that, a perspective. We all had different upbringings and experiences- I full heartedly respect and appreciate the initiative of others to share their stories.)