Conflicted Feelings

Submitted on: December 5, 2019

I’m not very good at writing and english is not my first language so this may be short. I’m a daughter of a single mother that chose to have a child through sperm donation. I’ve been conscious of this since I was a small child and when I was younger it didn’t bother me much, you can’t miss what you never had right? I am now 19 and this has changed a little bit. I don’t want a father, I don’t need a father, but I want a face, a name, anything, I know nothing. I’ve tried to talk to my mom about this, but every time I try to bring it up she evades the topic or gets really mad. But, I really want to know, maybe if not about father, maybe about my possible half siblings? I feel so ungrateful though. My mom has done everything for me to not need a father, and I feel like I’m just disrespecting her efforts by wanting to have some information. My friends are going to help me look for information, but I don’t even have a clue where to start since my mom wont tell me anything at all about the topic. I don’t even know why I want to know, I just feel the need to know but I don’t want my mom to believe that she is not enough, because she is the best mother in the world and I’m so thankful to her for bringing me into the world. I don’t even know where to start searching though.