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I worry that my child will be unhappy

I am a heterosexual woman in a happy marriage. After several IVFs with 40 fertilized eggs in total and no implementation we realize that egg donation is the only alternative if we want to go through a pregnancy which we want. I have so much love to give and I miss a child so much that it becomes unbearable sometimes. But for me egg donation is not a simple choice. Not because of my own feelings – I know I would love my child no matter of the genes – but because of what my child would think about me…

Who ARE you?

I’m a donor conceived child, the daughter of a lesbian couple who decided they wanted a child together 26ish years ago. My parents told me about the basics of my conception as soon as I was old enough to understand enough to wonder why I didn’t have a dad, unlike most of my friends. I had a happy normal(ish) childhood. It probably helped that I look a lot like my mom, so I never had that daily reminder that looking different would bring. I was lucky. I always knew I was loved and wanted, and I don’t think my parents…

I Never Knew I Was a Donor Baby

I didn’t think twice about providing AncestryDNA with a saliva sample. My husband, Brett, was curious to learn more about his cultural background, and I figured why not? It would be interesting to see the percentage breakdown of my parent’s genetic contribution to me – Polish, Italian, and Irish, and maybe even based on our findings plan a trip to the location that yielded the most confidence. So, when we received our DNA package, we both spit generously in the given vials and sent the package immediately in the mail eagerly awaiting our results. The results came to us on…

New Son, Maybe

Around thirty years ago, while my wife was pregnant with our second child, I saw an ad for donors at our local hospital, in Baltimore. My wife and I knew people that had problems with fertility, in various ways, and I thought it would be a positive thing to get involved. I asked my wife, and with her permission I signed up. There was money too, but it was negligible, and hardly worth the 20 mile drive from my house. Over the next 2.5 years, and two pregnancies, I remained in the program. The rules were that I had no…

What Keeps Me Up at Night

For as long as I can remember, I’ve known that I am donor conceived. I was raised by an incredible single mom with a little brother from the same donor. There was no lack of love in my life. When I was a kid, I used to imagine that my dad was a superhero. I made up stories that he was a soldier fighting to protect me, that he was an MLB player on my hometown team who I’d watch hit home runs and trot around the bases triumphantly, that he was an ice cream man, or a firefighter, or…

Always knew I didn’t belong

At 25 I became ill and ended up in the hospital. During the course of tests it was accidentally revealed to me by a nurse that my father was not my biological father. After both of my parents repeatedly denying it for months my father finally admitted he wasn’t my dad but any more info would have to come from my mom. He wasn’t willing to give any details due to fear of angering my mother. About 10 years later she finally acknowledges that he’s not my “sperm donor but is my dad and will always be”. She claims to…

Prospective Parents Not Allowed Transparency

We are what the industry calls, “Prospective Parents”. We are looking for an egg donor. It has been incredibly upsetting that every agency with a donor we like that we have spoken with will not work with egg donors that agree to contact with a child as an adult! I’ve been told it’s just their policy or because it would complicate things, the donor doesn’t want to (often lies) and because it’s best (implying I’m too simple minded to understand why it’s best). Yet these same “caring” agencies who are making these decisions for all of us, most importantly the…

Overjoyed and devastated

I’ve finally met my daughter, conceived 19 years ago and raised in a parallel world by devoted parents until she boldly sought to break through my I’ll-considered veil of anonymity on her 18th birthday. I am infinitely proud of her for doing so. Her first message crushed me, conveying the pain of growing up without knowing her biological father. I agreed to meet her and within a few weeks she was standing before me in my home city, thousands of miles from hers. Our weekend together is now over. I am overjoyed to have met her and completely in love…

It’s Not Easy

My heart is broken. For 6 years we have tried to have a baby on our own. My eggs & my husbands sperm. Yesterday the clinic called me about my pregnancy test results. Negative. Again. It is me. My eggs are not good anymore. I don’t drink, smoke or have any bad habits. I’m just out of time. I considered using donor eggs. If it worked the child would be loved, well cared for and everything needed for a great life. After reading all if these posts – it is not good enough. People say they just want to be…

Photography project on Anonymous Parenting

My name is Holly and I’m a final year Photography student at the University for the Creative Arts in Surrey, UK. For my final year project, I am hoping to portray the feeling and emotions those who are donor conceived may feel about their situation through conceptual photography, in hopes of raising awareness about emotional implications donor conception may have on the child. I am looking for anyone who would be interested in participating in this project with me, the idea is basically to give you (after all, YOU are the experts on your own lives) the chance to bring…

Spouse of donor- are second thoughts normal?!

I am going through what few have gone through. My husband was asked if he would donate to a woman he had previously worked with so she and her wife could have a family. He said he’d ask me first, but only on agreed upon conditions. At first I was ok, since I see it as him helping them have a family of their own, and it will be a closed donation (with the exception of family history records or when the child is an adult and has questions later he/she can contact us). We have been married for a…

Why Do I Feel so Guilty?

Sometimes I forget that my idea of the word “family” isn’t the same as my peers, other days it’s all I can think about. I was made using an anonymous sperm donor, my mom had been single for a long time and was feeling lonely I guess. She always tries to joke it off, like saying “aren’t you glad I didn’t just hook up with some douche at a bar”, but I feel like this is her way of overriding my opinion on the subject, because after that how can I argue with her? I mean, she’s right, I’m glad…