Confused donor

Submitted on: January 27, 2016

Hi everyone. I have donated eggs twice and am scheduled for another cycle in the spring. I have just found this website and now I am incredibly confused. I had no idea being donor-conceived was so difficult. The families I have donated to have gone through so much to finally create the children they have wanted for so long, which is the only reason I have been okay with doing this. Yes, I received generous compensation, but you really can’t go through the whole awful process of IVF without real emotional motivation. And now reading all of these stories of unhappy kids I’m terrified that I’ve given children any reason to be sad or angry. I’m wondering if it’s because most of the posters are teenagers and this is your particular brand of angst that you will come to terms with in time, as we all do with our own families. Or if this is really a huge, awful thing to cope with. I had a rough time growing up and the worst thing I can imagine is to cause one of my genetic children to have a similarly rough time.

I just want you all to know that I cherish the three photos I have of the first baby who was born. He is so beautiful! All three photos rotate as my phone background and sometimes I open my phone to do something and I am just paralyzed by his beauty. I want to know everything about him! But I respect the parents’ boundaries because he is not my child at all – he is theirs completely, and I am so happy for them that they get to love and raise him. I am open and willing to get to know him one day if that is his wish. Ultimately, I love him like an aunt I think.

I really wish the best for all of you. Please give the parents who raised you as much credit as possible. They made an active choice to bring you into the world and that alone tells you how important you are.