Donor Conceived through Private Arrangments

Submitted on: November 23, 2016

My biological mother was bisexual, and at the time of my conception she was in a relationship with another woman. They couldn’t afford to conceive me through a clinic, so they made private arrangements with my non-biological mother’s nephew and he donated the sperm which conceived me, making me related to both of my mums. Their relationship ended a year after I was born, and in my early years I lived with my biological mother but had regular contact with my other mum and I moved in with her through my teen years and I still live with her to this day.

I knew from the age of seven who my biological father is, and since he is related to my other mum I have grown up seeing photos of him and knowing who my paternal family is, even though I have never had contact with most of them. I do have contact with my biological father’s sister and my cousin (who I am quite close to and my paternal aunt is best friends with my biological mum) but most of his family have declined to have contact with me, which I did find quite upsetting at first but I also feel like it is important to respect their privacy as well and I know that I was brought into the world because I was wanted and loved. Both of my mothers love me very much and I’m grateful to my sperm donor for helping my mothers have me.

I think being able to know about my sperm donor and his family from a younger age helped me to better come to terms with how I was conceived. I am the only offspring that he has donated his sperm to and it was done on the condition that there was to be no contact between us. I’m 19 and I’ve never made any attempts to contact him out of respect for that arrangement. Maybe someday I will change my mind or he may decide to contact me but I’m leaving that up to him to decide. I’m open to meeting him in the future but I would only want that if it is something that is mutually beneficial. He is married and has a son of his own (3 months younger than me) and I don’t want to intrude on his life because I don’t think it’s fair to him because of the nature of the arrangements and planning that was in place regarding my conception.