Don’t make it a big secret

Submitted on: May 20, 2016

When I was 12 years old, my Dad explained to me that he couldn’t have children, and that both me and my younger sister were conceived via artificial insemination, using different sperm donors. It was a rough thing to hear when you’re 12 years old, you’re about to be a teenager and life feels like it’s changing very quickly. Ironically, we had just studied IVF in school and I had thought that it was a waste of resources, when adoption was possible. I then learned that my Dad wasn’t my biological father, and my mind was pretty shaken up for a few months. But I am incredibly glad that my parents told me. I was always worried that I was just destined to become exactly like my parents, but it gave me the feeling that I have the influence of three parents, giving me more chances, even if I don’t know who one of those parents is. Now I’m 16, and I’m wondering if I ever want to find out who my biological father is. I worry that my curiosity about my biological father would crush my Dad, and I’m worried that finding out would be a can of worms, and then I’d want to meet him, and it would all get out of hand. But I would also like to know what my father is like

If your children were conceived by egg or sperm donor, please tell them; they have an absolute right to know. I wish my parents had told me a bit earlier (kids can understand things from early on if it’s explained properly), and that it hadn’t felt like such a big secret that I was being let in on, so please don’t make a big deal of it, and always be open to talking to your child about it.