I need to know my FATHER

Submitted on: April 12, 2016

I am a sixteen year old girl born to a single mother by choice who used an anonymous sperm donor. Altogether I have had a rather good upbringing but on a daily basis I wonder about and search for my biological father. People who are not donor conceived will never truly under stand the struggles we go through.
I have a boyfriend and it hurts me that I don’t feel protected. I never got to introduce my boyfriend to my father and have my father act protective. I won’t have a father to walk me down the aisle. I never had a father to get me into sports or help me with my homework or even just to talk to. I crave the attention of a man who truly loves me but not at all in a sexual way. I want to tell him of my achievements and straight A+ GPA and feel his pride.
These things don’t even begin to describe the things I constantly struggle with. I stare in the mirror for hours sometimes wondering what features I got from him because I don’t look like my mother at all. I wonder what characteristics I got from him. I want to tell him about my main interests because based on paperwork I have learned he shares them. I want to be able to have a face in my head to know simply who the people are that created me. I want to know my biological surname. I want to know my biological grandparents. I want to hug my father more than anything and I want him to know I specifically exist, and I am real, and every human has a father and a mother and I deserve to know both. We all deserve to know where we come from and who we are. I will always feel incomplete. I will never stop searching. I must know before my life is over. Whether you will hate me for it or not, it really is not as much of a search for you as it is a search for me. I just want to feel content. I need to know.