It’s not easy – I agree!

Submitted on: July 10, 2018

My wife and I (hetrosexual couple) have had five tries of ivf and three iui. We’ve had a miscarriage from one ivf at our second scan. That was one of the most painful things to experience.
I will never forget the cries of my wife when there was no heartbeat on the scan. I’ve never heard her cry like that before. It was a silent miscarriage, so the foetus had to be removed.

We have been suffering trying to get pregnant but our chances are very low. Both of our tests are poor and we have both tried. So to the person who wrote, its not easy, I feel your pain. The doctors have recommended embryo transfer from those that are frozen from others and have been “donated” for people like us to use. At first I was happy with this, to have no children at all would be worse for me.

My biological mother was abusive and I haven’t had contact with her for over 18 years. My step mother, is my mother and has never treated me different to my brothers whom she did give birth to. My fathers bio mother was a similar experience to mine and his mother that raised him, his step mother, was his mother and my grandmother and I’ve never felt different towards them.
They are my family and I love them as they love me.
But reading some of these stories on here scare me.

I worry to have a donor embryo adopted child and to scar them in life. It would be our choice to bring them into this world in these circumstances. I am being selfish that genetics don’t matter to me? I have always thought of myself as a child of the world and that my family were mine no matter what. Family was those who loved us and looked after us and my mom was always my real mom, even if she didn’t share my blood.

The tries and fails are so emotionally and psychically draining… the thought of never having children causes me such pain.

I don’t know what to do anymore… I don’t want to be the cause of pain in my child. But my mom tells me, no matter what, as a parent you always manage to screw something up, no matter how hard you try not to, it’s part of being a parent, no one is perfect, no family is perfect, we just do our best.