Now I know

Submitted on: December 5, 2019

I’m a woman of a certain age, newly married with 4 biological children of my own. My amazing husband deeply desires a child of his own but my pregnancies have resulted in loss. We currently are considering using a donor egg but something deep inside felt uneasy. I found myself wondering how this will truly affect me, our child and my relationship with my husband. I wanted to know how the children felt about the non biological parent, whether they were happy or hurt and angry. Would my child accept me as their mother or just some woman who gave birth. Needless to say I was shocked to read so many stories of children feeling hurt, lost and angry that this was done to them. The void of not knowing the biological parent & family is so strong that it doesn’t matter how loved they are or that their mom risked her life and sacrificed her body for them to be. It doesn’t matter how much you love them, they will feel hurt and lost. I write this with a heavy heart because I want to have a baby with my amazing husband but it will be a NO for me. A mother wants nothing more than to love and protect the mind and hearts of her children but with age, comes wisdom and I’ve learned through the years that my wellbeing and my peace of mind is just as important as my child’s and my husband. My heart has to be protected too. I have a wonderful life and a beautiful family and I choose to keep it that way. Blessings to the parents who choose this this life and for the children who didn’t…..May you find peace.