Sister of unknown newly found adopted out sister

Submitted on: July 19, 2019

I recently discovered I have a half sister! I was thrilled and excited to meet her and at first she was reacting with the same enthusiasm. We realized that she was conceived by my father’s infidelity and her birth mom chose to give her up for adoption. Unfortunately, my father can not remember “the details” of this situation or her name. We connected through 23 and me through my children first, then I took the test and we came back as half siblings.
I was over joyed to have a sister and we met and it was as if we had known each other our whole lives and had so much in common, it was scary. I wanted a close relationship, as did she in the beginning, she brought up the idea of getting matching tattoos, neither of us had ever had a tattoo nor considered it, yet we both jumped on the idea!
After a few months she became more distant and said her “family is her family” and that dna has never mattered to her and that she needs time to get to know someone. Then she said she would feel guilty getting matching tattoos she had never gotten a tattoo with any of her siblings, still not referring to me as one.
Needless to say I was devastated and all my hopes of having a sister were crushed and they seem to have to be on her terms. I am trying to tread lightly as she has her own issues being an adoptee, but believe me, she got the better end of the deal! She grew up with great loving parents, I was abused, neglected and tortured. She was saved from that. Now I have to try to have a relationship basically by begging her for time?
You usually hear about the adoptee being rejected. I welcomed her with loving, open arms and now she refers to her adopted family as her “real family” almost intentionally to make sure I’m clear on the fact that she does not consider me her family.
Her brother is also adopted and I’m not sure if this is guilt, because he has not found any bio family or if she’s afraid of hurting her mom.
Obviously she was curious about her bio family or she wouldn’t have bought the 23 and me kit! So, why would she be so cold after being so excited in the beginning? She keeps saying dna doesn’t matter to her yet she sought out dna matches! So I’m very confused, being that I am not an adoptee I’m not sure how to handle this.
I just want a relationship with my sister. Is it too late in life for that? We are both in our early 50s.