Submitted on: December 5, 2019

My partner and I used donor eggs to conceive a baby. Ironically just as our pregnancy was getting started a surprise popped up on my 23AndMe. It turned out that I had an aunt and two uncles I’d never met by way of a grandfather that I’d also never met or even seen a picture of. It turned out I didn’t even know the name [he went by]. My first instinct was to ask her for pictures of my grandfather. He looks a lot like me, and I only look like my mother in my family. It was an interesting experience. I think it’s sad the way he abandoned my mother and started a new family, but sadder that he apparently died a few years ago of cancer before I ever saw his face. Now all I have are three photos of the person who I look most like outside of my mother. I wonder what else we had in common. It’s ironic because I guess it’s half the feelings (grandfather is 25% of your dna) that DC people feel right? And here I am creating another DC person.

This experience and this site have caused me to reevaluate how we will go about raising our child. Our donor was anonymous and selected because of the many similarities between herself and I, but because of information she put on her profile I was able to find her via an old news story uploaded to YouTube (small town sports coverage). Once our precious little one is old enough to understand I’m going to write her a letter to see if she will be open to occasional visits from us and to be a part of our extended family.

I don’t plan on telling our child about the donor unless I hear back because I think the heartbreak of rejection would be so terrible. But I hope this won’t be the case.